This town is overrun with nerdings.
All units, a domestic nerdspute has been reported at 339 Dermet Avenue. Female suspect has husband cornered in living room, reading aloud from the latest Neil Gaiman novel in a theatrical voice. Witnesses say she has already read the first two chapters and is showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.
All units, a nerding has been reported in the parking lot of the Texaco gas station on the corner of Elm and Main. Two suspects, both male, both with ponytails, standing in the parking lot, discussing how much better British television is than American television and loudly agreeing with each other.
All units, a nerdtercation has been reported at the Westpoint Mall. Suspect, male, wearing a Hawaiian shirt cargo shorts, taking names for his "Bring back Firefly" petition by force. According to reports, suspect has an accomplice who is holding a picket sign that says "No firefly makes me a…" and then there's a picture of a cat whose face appears to be displeased.
All units, nerdtoxication in public reported at 449 Halverson St. Suspect, female, wearing graphic tee, attempting to explain to everyone who walks by that it's funny because ninjas are supposed to be sneaky, but this ninja on the shirt is clearly not very sneaky. Be advised: suspect is armed with a laptop and should be approached with extreme caution.