Shirt.Woot : One Shirt, No Shoes, No Service (SM)

Somewhere, beyond the sea

2nd place in Derby #119: Flight, with 1250 votes!

They floated there in silence for a long while, looking up.

No tears. No goodbyes. No pleadings to stay, to turn back and return to their humble life beneath the surface of the water. Only liftoff remained.

She checked the knots to make sure they were secure. She placed the helmet over her head and around her gills. Then, after she had pulled the cord that released the balloon that would carry her up out of the water and into the Sky she so longed to explore, she took his fins in hers.

Slowly, she began to rise. Up, up, up, she went, their fins sliding apart, both resisting the urge to grab hold and never let go.

Higher and higher into the Sky, she climbed. She grew smaller and smaller in his sight with every passing second until, eventually, she was nothing more than a pale orange dot among a sea of stars.

Then, she was gone.

Wear this shirt: if you’ve ever dreamed of flying far above the familiar plastic castles and bubbling treasure chests of your existence.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you are content with the fish flakes you are given by your provincial life.

This shirt tells the world: Go. Follow your heart. Explore.

We call this color: Never Forget Me Navy

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A Good Landing Is Anything You Can Walk Away From

1st place in Derby #119: Flight, with 1301 votes!

Hi, welcome to Polar Air. Did you know you can check in using our automated… oh, okay, that’s fine, I’m happy to help you today. Now, it says here you’ve never travelled with us before, so do you need me to explain our services? Of course, I’d be happy to. First of all, there’s no first class or second class or any of that. We treat all our guests extra special. Secondly, the extras are not included. So if you want peanuts or a blanket or anything like that, you’ll have to bring your own. On some longer flights, drinks are available… oh, you’re only headed to Bransfield Strait? Well, if you need anything, you can purchase it from the machines in the lobby. But remember, you’ll have to do that before you reach the gate, because you won’t be able to return once you’ve passed security.

Okay, now I will need to see a passport or a driver’s license before I can print you a ticket. Hmm. How do I know this is you? I mean, all you penguins look alike to me. What? No, that’s not hate speech, how is it… all right, all right, stop squawking, it’s you, it’s you. Here’s your ticket.

Hey, I hate to do this but I just opened and I don’t have anything but sardines in the till. Is there any chance you have something smaller than a mackerel?

Wear this shirt: and hum the theme from Rocky.

Don’t wear this shirt: in the airport. There’s probably some TSA rule about polar bears and they’ll make you turn it inside out.

This shirt tells the world: “You are now free to move about the cabin.”

We call this color: Baby Blue Skies

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Return with us now to those thrilling days of yester-Derby, when we indulge our what-ifs and what-might-have-beens. That's right: time for another Double-Take Derby, when the Honorable Mentions from past weeks vie for another shot at your heart. This week, take your pick of our unsung favorites from Derbies #105 and #107-117. Redemption is afoot!

Designers: if you sold or submitted your Honorable Mention design elsewhere, or opted out of including your design in the Double-Take Derby, email us at shirt@woot.com by noon tomorrow and let us know. Any design found for sale, having sold, or submitted to another site for voting will not be eligible for the Double-Take Derby and will be removed from consideration.

Usually, we announce the next Derby here, to give you an extra week to work on it. But the awesome thing we were working on hasn't quite worked out yet. Watch for it...

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Incidentally Most Bikers We’ve Met Have Been Really Nice Guys

It ain’t a weekend thing. It’s a lifestyle.

You see them weekend warriors on their ten speeds, talking about paint jobs and stickers. They got too much machine, they’re just too dumb to know it. Hey, just cause you can ride a bike, that don’t make you a biker. You know what makes you a biker? I’ll tell you, and it ain’t that little horn. Even though I love that little horn. squa-onk squa-onk Love that so much.

What makes a biker? A biker rides. You ain’t gonna see a biker under a bridge waiting for the rain to blow over. You ain’t gonna see a biker in a pickup truck with his old lady while his hog’s tied down in the bed. Not unless you also see blood everywhere and a leg in the gun rack. Because that’s the only way somebody’s gonna get me off my ride. By force.

You wanna have some fun, hey, it don’t bother me none. Do your own thing, Easy Rider. Long as you stay outta my way on the road, we ain’t never gonna have no trouble. But I ain’t no schoolteacher. You wanna ride with me? You better have what it takes and a place to put it.

That’s why I have this basket on the front. It’s where I put what it takes. You got a problem with that?

Wear this shirt: and don’t ever wash it. Shirt like this, it has to carry history.

Don’t wear this shirt: your very first day in prison. So many, many reasons why that would be a bad idea.

This shirt tells the world: “That noise you hear’s no joke. It’s down there in my spokes. The ace of spades. The ace of spades.”

We call this color: Baby Blue? Hey, She Said She Was Twenty One.

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Lucky Numbers: 9, 13, 77, 91

Master, I have traveled far. The journey was difficult.

The scene: A mountainside cavern in which an ancient mystic makes his home. A seeker from afar has made the long and difficult journey to this spot in hopes of receiving wisdom.

“Master, I have traveled for weeks to reach you. I nearly died on the mountain while climbing to this place. Please, tell me the meaning of all things.”

“Pea green soup.”

“Pea green… what?”

“My son, there is no question to which pea green soup does not provide a perfectly adequate answer. Let me demonstrate. I will pose to you a series of questions. You will answer each question with the phrase ‘pea green soup.’ I see you are confused. All will become clear. Let us begin. What is man’s most perfect meal?”

“Uh… pea green soup?”

Very good. Therefore, upon rising from your bed in the morning, what shall you eat to awaken your body?”

“Pea green soup?”

“Of course. And what shall you eat at noontime, when you break from your labors?”

“Pea green soup.”

“And what shall you sip for an end-of-day snack, before you hang up your working-tools?”

“Pea green soup.”

“And what shall provide your sustenance at dinner?”

“Pea green soup.”

“Yes, and of what shall you drink a bowlful before going to sleep?”

“Pea green soup.”

“And what will you probably do all night in bed?”

“Pe—hey! What is this, some kind of joke?”

“Presto, enlightenment.”

Wear this shirt: when you can’t pronounce the names on the menu, and just point to your torso.

Don’t wear this shirt: until you’ve mastered the chopsticks. Oyster sauce stains show up pretty good on white.

This shirt tells the world: “Every time I put this shirt on, I end up wanting to put another one on like half an hour later.”

We call this color: Like White On Rice

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We're going to celebrate these Honorable Mentions from Derby #118: Visual Puns by refraining from indulging in any terrible puns. Must...resist...

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Something’s Coming

Somewhere, beneath the ground, it slumbers.

In the warmth, with just enough moistness, it begins. The slow splitting of the shell. The persistent shoving out and up. The dirt parts just a little bit, and then a little bit more. A root, a stem, a branch.

A thousand years from now, this might be the largest tree in the world. Or it might be the bookcase of a famous lawyer. Or it might be the floor of the nightclub onto which the latest young starlet collapses in drunken hysteria. Or maybe it will be the cane an old man uses to chase away a mugger. Or a toothpick. A really good toothpick right before an important date. A toothpick that gets out a big piece of spinach that would have been a dealbreaker and as such is responsible for the event that leads to the birth of the guy that builds the first faster than light spaceship. Yeah, that kind of toothpick.

There’s so much potential in that little seed. So many options. Will it survive the winter? Will it get eaten by a squirrel? Will it grow to be some kind of Tree Stalin, tearing up the pavement with its roots and smashing waterpipes and power lines until it is finally brought down by the chainsaw that ends its reign of terror once and for all? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. All we know is, something’s coming.

Wear this shirt: when you’re trying to convince DC Comics to reboot Swamp Thing. Too bad he missed out on the big space zombie story, that would have been a cool thing for him.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re being eaten by a giant. Did you know it could take like six years for a seed to pass through a giant’s digestive system? That’s so awful! If you’re wearing this shirt, and about to be eaten by a giant, take it off first. After all, there’s never any reason to be rude.

This shirt tells the world: “Seed E? That was planted by Kid A, wasn’t it? Let me look in the records…”

We call this color: Asphalt Might Not Be As Pretty But It Sure Keeps Those Allergies Away

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A chill November wind blows through our t-shirt sales chart this week, rearranging our available shirts like so many dried leaves. And some recent favorites have been blown out of the leafpile. On with yet another Day of Reckoning:

Survivors (position last week/weeks on chart)

• 01 Zombie Candycorn (-/1)
• 02 The Binge (1/7)
• 03 Gummistone Park (2/3)
• 04 13th Gloom Street (-/1)
• 05 Nevermore (7/82)
• 06 Cupcake Costume Party (-/1)
• 07 Imposter (4/40)
• 08 Harvest Traditions (3/4)
• 09 Campfire Tales (5/3)
• 10 Almost Too Complicated (6/4)
• 11 Some Motivation Required (9/35)
• 12 It Came Out Of Nowhere (18/23)
• 13 Donut Panic! (11/56)
• 14 Music is Life (15/30)
• 15 The Epic Begins (13/42)
• 16 The Chemist (16/9)
• 17 You Have to Try This Guys (12/36)
• 18 Who Wants to Live Forever? (-/1)
• 19 I Just Call it Housekeeping (8/5)
• 20 Grim Optimism (14/45)

Casualties (position last week/weeks on chart)

• 21 Spicy Italian Meatball (19/7)
• 22 Japanese Fighting Fish (10/6)
• 23 The Samurai and the Sea Dragon (17/6)
• 24 We Carves People (-/1)
• 25 Fiery Autumn Colors (20/8)
• 26 I Like Candy (-/1)
• 27 Scare-It Badges (-/1)

Bystanders (not eligible for Reckoning until next week)

• Trick or Cheese
• Wolf Out!
• Boneheads
• Deadbeard’s Curse
• Computer Mice
• Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen
• Popcorn Chicken

Just like last year, our Hallowoot shirts have made quite an impact on the charts. Zombie Candycorn dislodges The Binge, ending the latter's six-week run at #1. 13th Gloom Street and Cupcake Costume Party lend a macabre shade to the top 10, and Who Wants to Live Forever? reigns as the new Queen of the chart's outer reaches. To make room, we're forced to bid a fond adieu to Spicy Italian Meatball, Japanese Fighting Fish, The Samurai and the Sea Dragon, and Fiery Autumn Colors. But they'll still be around for another, oh, ten hours or so until they're finally deleted at midnight Central time. I hate long goodbyes.

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Now that Halloween has passed, it's safe for the world to finally see the terrifying Honorable Mentions from Derby #117: Halloween...

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