Woot! - One Day, One Deal

The Filthy Hippies - $10.00

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:00:07 -0500

Stop, children, what’s that smell? Everybody here just reeks like hell

1st place in Derby #101: Fake Band T-Shirts, with 1430 votes!

These shirts will not ship until Monday 7-6, overnights will arrive on 7-7-09

The Filthy Hippies? Oh, man, they’re the best, man. I dig that whole scene. I’m way into the music, man.

What? Harold who, man? Seventy-six… wait, no, not “The Music Man.” The music, maaan. But it’s more than that, you know? It’s, like, this whole

It’s like—the whole corporate business world scene, man, is just so oppressive, you know? Like, mainstream society is just like this, like, feeding frenzy of sharks, you know? And the Filthy Hippies, they’re like: You don’t have to be a shark, man. Sharks… did you know that sharks have to keep swimming all the time or they die? That’s like a perfect symbol for the corporate life, man. Keep on pushing ahead all the time, looking for something to, like, kill and devour, never taking a minute to, like, just hang out and live or whatever, you know, man? Like, check out a coral reef, and all the, like, beautiful fish that swim around there, man. You know, without just seeing them as something to destroy and consume, you know?

Me, I’m not buying into that whole thing, man. I’m, like, constitutionally incapable of shark behavior, you know what I mean? My Dad, he’s a shark. Big-time business guy, the suit and tie, the mortgage, the whole deal, man. Me, I’m, like… I’m like a remora, right? Yeah, that’s it. A remora. I, like, hang on to my Dad for the free ride, and pick up the scraps that are left over from when he hunts down all the food.

Actually, that analogy is not so flattering, now that I think about it.

Wear this shirt: for twenty-six days straight without washing it.

Don’t wear this shirt: before you fringe and bead the hems, even if it’s only going to be a base layer under your baja.

This shirt tells the world: “Dude. DUDE.”

We call this color: Acid FlashBlack

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 10” x 13.81”
WXL - K4: 7.5” x 10.36”

Pantone Color(s): 5585C – 5625C – 5615C

Please check American Apparel's sizing chart for men, for women or children before you order. The Woot Tee, constructed by American Apparel, follows their classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.

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Price: $10.00

Reckoning Recon 7/2/09

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:50:00 -0500

On accounta we're all taking tomorrow off to get an early start on flipping the star-spangled bird to King George, I'm dropping the Day of Reckoning preview a full day ahead of schedule. This weekend, while you're scorching animal flesh and staring at explosions, spare a moment to consider saving one of our shirts from sales oblivion. It's what Paul Revere would've done. The current rankings:

01 It Came Out Of Nowhere
02 Some Motivation Required
03 The Epic Begins
04 Nevermore
05 Music is Life
06 Imposter
07 The Quick Brown Fox
08 Donut Panic!
09 The Last Day
10 You Have to Try This Guys
11 Dystopia Dark Lager
12 Cats With Weapons
13 Fat Unicorn
14 Music Pirate
15 She is Reported to Have Said That Before
16 The Cake Is A Liar
17 Grim Optimism
18 The Aviator
19 The Devil is in the Details
20 CMYKF5
21 Good morning Starshine the Earth says Hello
22 Upon Closer Inspection…
23 Bacon Bits
24 Rock Paper Scissors
25 The T Shirt
26 An Unfolding Mystery
27 Counting Blue Cars

Bystanders (not eligible for Reckoning until next week)

Come back on Monday to see which shirts survived and which didn't. The Day of Reckoning makes a great hangover cure.

Oh, and happy 4th of July.

Derby #102: Pressure

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:00:07 -0500

You're in the cockpit flying through a tropical storm. You're out with your girlfriend and you run into your other girlfriend. You're hundreds of feet below the surface of the ocean. You're still trying to think up a Derby theme at 11:30 AM on Thursday. You're under pressure, man. Pushing down on you. Now push it off onto a t-shirt. Social pressure, physical pressure, emotional pressure, water pressure, whatever. Maybe your design will be better than the hundreds of others and you'll win that thousand bucks. But hey, no pressure.

No text.

Introducing Your Contenders for Derby #101: Fake Band T-Shirts

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:00:06 -0500

Derby #101: Fake Band T-Shirts closed for voting at noon today. Three of these designs will go on sale one at a time over the next three days - the fourth will go down in near-miss history. Click on each picture below to see that entry's page, with a fuller view of the design. The final four, in no particular order:

now appearing in Seattle, Portland, NY, San Fran.. by jewelwing

The Sex Drugs by leonryan

Infinite Pi by ensmind

Monsters Of Cowbell World Tour by gargrazz

Come back tonight at midnight to see (and, of course, buy) our first-place winner. Then do the same thing Saturday and Sunday morning. Please? Thanks for Derbying!

gojirawk

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:07 -0500

My Pastor Says It Stands For “Guardians Open to the Devil, Zebras I Love Licking Always”

The biggest in his field. Always has to be the center of attention. Subject of many rumors. Has a temper. Loves kids. Hmmm…

G: To survive in this business, you need a thick skin. There are lots of people who’ll try to tear you down. They’ll try and shoot you down at any chance they get. Some are jealous. Some are scared, that they might lose their position. Some just want to see you squirm, you know, see what you do next. You can’t pay attention to any of them. You just have to know, you know, keep heading toward that goal.

RS: So you have a love/hate relationship with your fans, then?

G: When they say “you never use your fire breath enough” and “why didn’t you ever have a rocket fist?” and crap like that, well, sure, they can have their opinion, but you can’t let that change what you want to do. You have to be true to yourself and do what you feel is right. Because they aren’t the ones crawling out of the ocean every few years. And you are.

RS: Where you do see yourself in a decade?

G: Basically, the ultimate form of my career is just being out there, on the street, with whatever I can pick up. It’s great to be in a studio on an island full of monsters but that’s not what it’s all about. It’s about getting out there, you know, meeting people who get it. That’s what keeps you coming back with smashing hits. There’s nothing like a smashing hit.

Wear this shirt: again and again as you point out the folly of man.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you don’t know the difference between a giant lizard and a werewolf. You see, the werewolf was created by a curse, which is black magic. But a giant lizard is created by unexpected radiation, which is just bad science. And there’s a huge difference between black magic and bad science. For example, you can’t get tenure by doing black magic. Except maybe in the Folklore department.

This shirt tells the world: “I told you once, you giant moth, I’m the best that’s ever been.”

We call this color: He’s Got A Great Look But Olive His Songs Are In C

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 11” x 9.53”
WXL - K4: 8.25” x 7.14”

Pantone Color(s): 395 C – 7413 C – 432 C – 3435 C – 348 C – 4625 C – 4705 C

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Heart Fighter

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:00:07 -0500

Heart-Seeking Missile

“QPID-214 to base! QPID-214 to base! Target in my sights! Engaging now!”

You probably think of us as naked babies flying around on flouncy little angel wings, pulling back the strings on our bows and gently lofting arrows with heart-shaped arrowheads. But that’s not today’s Cupid Force. To overcome modern levels of apathy and isolation, we utilize only the latest, most advanced infatuation technology. From the the Sex Bomb to Love Missile F1-11, Cupid Force delivers the devastating ordnance that makes love possible in the 21st century and beyond.

We’re still naked babies, though.

Wear this shirt: when love is a battlefield.

Don’t wear this shirt: unless you’re a soldier of love.

This shirt tells the world: “Peace and love don’t always go together.”

We call this color: The Heather Grey Badge Of Courage.

Design Placement: Right Side

Design Size:
3X – S: 11.46” x 19”
WXL - WS: 8.6” x 14.25”
K12 - K4: 7.54” x 12.5”

Pantone Color(s): White – 032C – 293C – Black

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Phoenix Rising

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:00:06 -0500

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

The nice thing about a shirt like this? You can wear it two days in a row.

Frank Sinatra. Elvis Presley. David Bowie. Miles Davis. No matter how much their career looked like ashes, these men and others hauled themselves up and started again, in a similar but not exactly sort of way. And they all gained a special kind of magic from it.

The story of the Phoenix isn’t about finding the strength to keep going. That’s Rocky. Good story, but totally different idea. The story of the Phoenix is about not having a choice but to keep going. Doesn’t matter if it owed a loan shark money. Doesn’t matter if it just broke up with its girlfriend. Doesn’t matter if it played the new Judas Priest album backwards. As soon as it’s dead, it’s alive again.

About the fifth time that bird came back from being lit on fire, it probably started thinking that it never wanted to go through that again. Fire hurts, you know. Even if you’re coming right back, it’s still got to be a royal pain in the tailfeathers. But here it is, flapping back to life, ready for another go. Not so much reborn as redefined. Maybe this time it’ll try something new, or maybe go in a way that will be popular with fans, or maybe please the critics of a future generation. There’s nothing it can do but try again, because it simply can’t lay down and die.

What a stupid, stupid bird.

Wear this shirt: right after some creepy guy named Jason introduces you to all his rich friends at this nice old club where everyone dresses weird.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re on trial for eating the star near where the bird people live. Poor bird people.

Incidentally, if you enjoyed those two references, you might like to know that missmonster will be at the San Diego Comic Con (Table F-03, aisle 800) and promises to hi-five anyone who visits her while wearing this shirt. That’s right, geeks, one single purchase will give you a 100% chance of actually touching a girl’s hand, in front of hundreds of witnesses. Buy now, because we’re gonna sell out fast!

This shirt tells the world: “By the time you get to me, she’ll be risin’. She’ll find the note you left hangin’ on her door.”

We call this color: Cranberry Me Not

Design Placement: Left side

Design Size:
3X – S: 9.54” x 19”
WXL - WS: 7.15” x 14.25”
K12 - K4: 6.4” x 12.75”

Pantone Color(s): 715C – 1595C – 7425C – 1795C – Black

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Day of Reckoning the Ninety-Eighth

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:00:00 -0500

Monday is here, and seven of our shirts are gone. Rather, they will be gone at midnight tonight. This is the Day of Reckoning, the weekly elimination of our lowest-selling shirts, and it looks a little something like this:

Survivors (position last week/weeks on chart)

01 It Came Out Of Nowhere (1/5)
02 Some Motivation Required (2/17)
03 The Epic Begins (5/24)
04 Nevermore (7/64)
05 Music is Life (3/12)
06 Dystopia Dark Lager (4/3)
07 The Last Day (-/1)
08 The Quick Brown Fox (6/7)
09 Imposter (8/22)
10 Donut Panic! (9/38)
11 You Have to Try This Guys (10/18)
12 The Devil is in the Details (12/2)
13 Grim Optimism (13/27)
14 She is Reported to Have Said That Before (20/17)
15 The Aviator (11/8)
16 Fat Unicorn (16/61)
17 The Cake Is A Liar (15/85)
18 Music Pirate (18/12)
19 Good morning Starshine the Earth says Hello (-/1)
20 CMYKF5 (14/6)

Casualties (position last week/weeks on chart)

21 Rain Dance (17/4)
22 Do the Robot! (19/4)
23 I Claim this Sun for GYAAHHHH!!!!! (-/1)
24 ROK-101 (-/1)
25 Dark Secret (-/1)
26 Stay Sharp! (-/1)
27 Cat Vs. Cat (-/1)

Bystanders (not eligible for Reckoning until next week)

I'm not surprised that there are still enough people buying It Came Out Of Nowhere to keep it on top of the chart for a fifth straight week. It's only been around for a little while. What amazes me is that after over 12,000 Nevermore shirts sold, there are still 21 people buying it every day. And that The Cake Is A Liar keeps chugging along a year and a half after the release of the video game that inspired it. And that the Fat Unicorn market still isn't saturated. Maybe someday we'll be saying the same things about The Last Day and Good morning Starshine the Earth says Hello, the two debut entrants on the Survivor charts this week. But speaking probablistically, they're more likely to follow the brief career arcs of Rain Dance and Do the Robot!, both Casualties in their fourth week on the charts. Buy 'em while you can - they disappear tonight at midnight.

Derby #100 (Mystery): Honorable Mentions

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:50:00 -0500

WHO were the designers who undeservedly fell short of glory in Derby #100: Mystery? WHICH designs did we like more than the voting public? WHY were these great designs bypassed in the voting? Read on for some of the answers...

The Mysterious Evolution of The Killer Whale by imsochady
The laser-equipped whale-borg trumps the shaky connection to the theme.

They went that way by Beefcoat
Nobody here but us legends.

Whoo Are You? (on Brown) by JadenKale
Owl be seeing you.

Secret Admirer by thomasofhunter
Now 100% human-sacrifice free! Oh, wait, we used that line last week.

Whats under the bed? by nicetry
A legitimate realtor should notify you about this before you move in.

A Mysterious Conspiracy by dsladek
Knocking down the hunter guys and bopping them on the head.

Mystery Date! (resub) by rglee129
Just because they don't exist doesn't mean they deserve to be lonely.

I think it's the rabbit by radiomode
This is why there are very few successful dog private eyes.

Mysterious Fathoms Below by truffleshuffle
Here there be serpents. With arms.

Big Foot: Case Closed by Radscoolian
That'll look great stuffed and mounted in your den.

Certain questions have been answered. Others have sprung up. The mystery will continue in our next Double-Take Derby. And there are plenty of unanswered questions in the current Derby. The End...?

Abe-racadabra

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:00:08 -0500

That Giraffe Better Be A Republican

One night only! The man of mystery! See The Great Emancipator!

Just one shiny penny gets you into the greatest show you’ll ever see! Watch as the mighty Abraham cuts a nation in half… and then puts it back together! Thrill to the way his uncanny powers make it seem fashionable to have a beard without a mustache! Did he learn in Tibet? In China? From the voodoo priests of New Orleans? Friends, he did all that and more!

He made logs into a toy! He put his face on a mountain! He’s The Great Emancipator, and he’s here today! Come in and see! And don’t forget, with every ticket you get a free viewing of Mary Todd, She-Devil of Kentucky! Don’t get too close, she’ll rip off your face! Come see The Great Emancipator! Step right up! Step right up!

Wear this shirt: to show you were an early supporter of President Zachary Taylor. He died just sixteen months into his term, too. So young. Like a political Kurt Cobain. Sigh.

Don’t wear this shirt: to the theater. Not because of the assassination thing, but because you really should look nice when you’re going to the theater.

This shirt tells the world: “I wanna reach out and grab ya. Forescore times.”

We call this color: A Sphalt Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 10” x 12.8”
WXL - K4: 7.5” x 9.6”

Pantone Color(s): Warm Gray 2C – 4675C – 74-07C – 1405C – 181C

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