Shirt.Woot

terrybatey wrote:Ok, I'll bite. What did she say?

Erm... I prolly shouldn't say it in the open, even though it has already been said in the open. I'll wait till D'name is around so she can tell me to take it down. It was also a while ago, so it could be a little slanted.

FenStar wrote: Erm... I prolly shouldn't say it in the open, even though it has already been said in the open. I'll wait till D'name is around so she can tell me to take it down. It was also a while ago, so it could be a little slanted.

Well whatever KT said you can't hold it against her. Sometimes bleach cause damage when used on a daily basis heavily. You don't think worshiping "Robert" is normal behavior, do you? *runs away* *KT might be lurking*

My three favorite "Walks into a bar" jokes:


A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."


A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"


A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

terrybatey wrote:
Well whatever KT said you can't hold it against her. Sometimes bleach cause damage when used on a daily basis heavily. You don't think worshiping "Robert" is normal behavior, do you? *runs away* *KT might be lurking*

Ms. Terry,

Who is Robert?

no1 wrote:
Ms. Terry,

Who is Robert?

In a band Cure. KT loves him and his music.
Sorry AZG, back on topic

A nun in full black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her square in the nose. Before she can scream, he lands a sloppy one-two and an uppercut. When she goes down, he starts kicking her with his scuffed business shoes. As a crowd gathers, the drunk stops, staggers back, and slurs, "You're not so tough, Batman!"

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

FenStar wrote: Erm... I prolly shouldn't say it in the open, even though it has already been said in the open. I'll wait till D'name is around so she can tell me to take it down. It was also a while ago, so it could be a little slanted.

...

GODISWATCHING wrote:

...

Well I certainly hope God is watching. It helps me stay the straight line when off the pole. lol

terrybatey wrote:
Ok, I'll bite. What did she say?

FenStar wrote: Erm... I prolly shouldn't say it in the open, even though it has already been said in the open. I'll wait till D'name is around so she can tell me to take it down. It was also a while ago, so it could be a little slanted.

GODISWATCHING wrote:
...

She has a penis.

bluebledthesea wrote:

She has a penis.

Hunh!

Darn . . . ate dinner too soon this evening . . . now I've got nothing to do until library time . . .

AZGman wrote:Darn . . . ate dinner too soon this evening . . . now I've got nothing to do until library time . . .

You could always read a little longer?

OOoops . . . gotta put myself in time-out for draggin' RL in here!!!

AZGman wrote:OOoops . . . gotta put myself in time-out for draggin' RL in here!!!

Uh-huh, an hour in a chair without a book!

pooflady wrote:

Uh-huh, an hour in a chair without a book!

Yer a mean mom!!!

AZGman wrote:

Yer a mean mom!!!

You may contemplate your navel.

I'm board.

dontwantaname wrote:Oh no!!!! Gods talks like Fen!

OK Fen, if you are still here, you have 45 minutes before I'm gone till later tonight....,
What did KT say?

I don't remember exactly, but It was something to the tune of you talking to your son about his sex life, and I know you mentioned it at least once.

sounds like an exciting conversation... I probably don't want to know more about it.

but here's somting funny

Newfie goes skydiving
A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready.

The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie.

The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

dontwantaname wrote:
Deleted because Gman will be after me if I left it up!

Fen, we need to finish this and delete it or Gman will kill both of us!!!!

So we don't see the story on this thread. Can you put it over on Misfits or my thread? I had company and missed the story. Damn real live living people intruding upon my woot time.
(smirk)

peglegwookie wrote:sounds like an exciting conversation... I probably don't want to know more about it.

but here's somting funny

Newfie goes skydiving
A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready.

The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie.

The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

I honestly thought you were talking about a skydiving dog for the entirety of that joke and it made absolutely no sense to me...

"Newfie" is a colloquial, and generally pejorative, term used in Canada for someone who is from Newfoundland.

Still, I'm not Canadian, and know nothing of anyone from Newfoundland. I'll pretend I found it funny because it really had potential.

EDIT: Wait, are you KT's husband?

bluebledthesea wrote:I honestly thought you were talking about a skydiving dog for the entirety of that joke and it made absolutely no sense to me...

"Newfie" is a colloquial, and generally pejorative, term used in Canada for someone who is from Newfoundland.

Still, I'm not Canadian, and know nothing of anyone from Newfoundland. I'll pretend I found it funny because it really had potential.

EDIT: Wait, are you KT's husband?

That would almost make sense, assuming a wookie dyed all of his ratty hair black.

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Mitch Hedberg

Reposted . . . cuz it sorta oughta be here, too . . .

AZGman wrote:

Same-ola crappola . . .

Lynnzoi wrote:

crappola.......is that the fancy top part on an outhouse?

AZGman wrote:

uh, sure . . . why not?

daj59 wrote:
If a Gondola is the thing that floats down the river... Would a Crappola be the thing that flo....

nevermind.

Lynnzoi wrote:

pooflady wrote:

You may contemplate your navel.

Ya mean my lint basket?

daj59 wrote:We’ve never fancied a cartoon character

This is entirely untrue. The rest, yea... But this one should come off the list.

NeoLuddite wrote:"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Mitch Hedberg

RIP Mitch. Man, that guy was my favorite... Today is actually the 2 year anniversary of his death.

I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it." "That'll be $1.75!" I said, "It's for a duck!" "Oh, then it's free." I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"

Listen to him tell the Duck joke here. It's all in his delivery.

Here's a long list of Mitch's jokes

YouTube 1
YouTube 2

bluebledthesea wrote:

RIP Mitch. Man, that guy was my favorite... Today is actually the 2 year anniversary of his death.

I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it." "That'll be $1.75!" I said, "It's for a duck!" "Oh, then it's free." I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"

Here's a long list of Mitch's jokes

qvak!!!

What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair.

What happened to the little girl on the swing with no arms?

She fell off.

pblgov wrote:What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair.

Dats bad.

pblgov wrote:What happened to the little girl on the swing with no arms?

She fell off.

Really low today. lol

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying on the beach?


Sandy.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?


Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves?


Russel.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?


Art.