woot! actually did an intelligent Tron writeup right after the new movie was released. So both parties can be happy to know that woot! hates and loves Tron. Enjoy:
Her First Day
“Oh, Alexandria, you’re SUCH a card! Ah, well, guess we should get back to work before the new CEO fires us too. What a morning, right? Some shakeup!”
Hello. Alexandria said I should speak with you.
“Hi, sit down, great to meet you! I’m Jack, the head of HR, and I’m glad you’ve chosen to apply at our company! Now, I’m not sure how to pronounce your name so I’m just going to call you Q. That okay, Q?”
Today I saw the sunrise. It was so beautiful.
“Early riser, huh? That’s a plus for us, I guess. But you’ll be setting your own hours here, we try to cater to the creative and the unusual here. Hey, if you get cold during the meeting, I’ve got a pair of Sleeved Blankets right here, so just feel free to put one on whenever, all right? Sometimes they crank the AC sooo high, I think it’s gonna snow.”
I have never seen snow. But I read about it! Field of Ice by Jules Verne? Not his best, but such imagery!
“Oh, I know, I know. I grew up in L.A. so I was exactly the same my first real winter. Darling, pray they never send you to the Minneapolis office, you’ll be begging them to let you have this two pack of Sleeved Blankets the entire year! Ha ha ha ha! But we have to get technical now, okay? I mean, it seems like you and I could probably just talk all day. Too bad we’re just slaves to the system!”
But… are you not a user like Sam?
“Hmm. Well, I know he’s got a bit of a reputation as a maverick, but he’s always been very straightforward with me. But personal feelings aside, let me make it clear: if you ever feel anyone has treated you inappropriately in any way, you can come right to me. Company policy forbids any sort of harassment, even from the top executives and shareholders, okay? Once you work for us, you’re not just some two pack of snuggly polyester fleece Sleeved Blankets that can be passed around or shared with a friend. You’re a real team player! If someone’s a ‘user’ or makes you feel uncomfortable, we want to know right away. At this company, we don’t have time for games.”
Yes, the Games were harsh and barbaric. Too many were destroyed pointlessly.
“Sounds like you went to my high school. It was full of these awful girls who thought they owned the place and- oh, but here we go again! We’re just so awful, aren’t we? We’ve got to do drinks after work sometimes, really. Now, let’s talk about your resume, we seem to have misplaced it somehow. So did you bring a copy with you today?”
I… I gave my identity disc away when we were… back… um, where I came from.
“Oh, you left it at home? Well, no big deal, with your in-house references I’m sure we’re covered there. So let’s just talk out the high points. Tell me about your last job. What did you do?”
I… worked with… troubleshooting… issues with… user issues. Involving CLU.
“Oh, you’ve dealt with CLU? Well, that’s outstanding! It’s a vital part of our day-to-day operations here, really ever since the late 80s. We kinda just added code over code, you know how it goes, and it’s so hard to find competent designers nowadays! I hear it’s down this morning for some reason, so they’ll probably get you started right away. Hey, for that matter, how are you with our security protocols? I only work in HR, obviously, but I think they call it ‘Random Netwall Zero Lag Response’ or something crazy like that. I’m not a programmer so maybe I’m-”
RNZLR! Yes, I made it past him during my attack on CLU. He was quite formidable.
“Well, well, well! No wonder Mr. Bradley wants to hire you! Look, I know that hacking stuff is a gray area in your field so I won’t ask any more so you don’t get in any trouble. All that matters to me is that you know the programs and Mr. Bradley wants you working here. And I know you want to get started on that so- Alexandra? Can you show Miss Q here to her cubicle? She’s going to be our newest programmer, specializing in security, and we want to get her started right away! Okay, Q, just follow Alex and- Hey, welcome aboard! I’ll send your packet over around lunchtime and we’ll get you a badge and- oh! Is there anything else you need to know from me?”
Yes. Where do I find the light cycles?
“Ha ha ha ha! Oh, we’ll have to watch you! Of course, keep in mind that there’s a strict no-gaming policy during work hours, and all your machines prevent you from installing software. But we do have an old Space Paranoids machine in the break room if you want to play on your lunch hour. It’s set to free play. Just one of the little perks you get from being an employee!