The Only Candidate Who’s As Scary As Putin
My friends and fellow Americans, I’ve discovered that the Washington
inside-the-beltway crowd tends to look down on anybody who doesn’t talk
or walk or smell a certain way. They don’t know what to make of an
uncouth upstart wandering in to tell them how we do things in the
forest. And when somebody comes along who doesn’t play by their tired
old zoological rules, they attack. They belittle. They try to pretend
like that candidate doesn’t even exist.
Well, they won’t be
able to ignore us any more. Tonight, I’m proud to join hand-in-flipper
with my great running mate and say “GRRRRAARRRR.” We’re stepping out of
the shadows and into the corridors of power. We’re swimming up from the
depths to take on the entrenched special interests. We’re roaring back
at the professional political class that tries to pretend like we’re
not for real. And with your help, I am confident that we’ll leave a
huge footprint on the history of this great land of ours.
You can read all about me and my running mate on our campaign blog and get a sneak peak at our new campaign ad. Spread the word to your friends, your neighbors, your
fellow cryptozoologists: those heavy footsteps you hear are the sound
of change lurching through the underbrush. Thank you.
This shirt was designed by:
Bigfoot-Nessie ‘08 campaign manager and chief strategist for
the independent candidacy that has rocked the political and scientific
elite. He or she has asked to remain nameless for fear his or her ties to a popular children's cereal lobby might undermine the candidate's credibility, but uh...oops. You didn't hear it here.
Wear this shirt: to show your support for the ultimate Washington outsiders.
Don’t wear this shirt: as a joke. This election is too important for that.
This shirt tells the world: “Break the one-species stranglehold on the White House!”
We call this color: Most Bigfoot Sightings Don’t Happen In Blue States.
Design Placement: Centered
Design Size:
M – 3X: 12.5” x 4.33”
S – WS: 9.37” x 3.24”
Pantone Color(s): White – 186C
Please check American Apparel's sizing chart for men or for women before you order. The Woot Tee, constructed by American Apparel, follows their classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.
