Can raccoons become the next narwhal?
Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet Standards Board. I hereby propose that raccoons become the next self-perpetuating cute-animal meme-thing. Cats are tried and true. Narwhals are experiencing their day in the sun. Isn't it time to allow raccoons into our august institution?
I will now present some salient facts about the raccoon, that should quickly convince the board:
- Raccoons look like 20s-style bank robbers. The comedic potentialities of this resemblance are effectively infinite.
- Raccoons' most acute sense is their sense of touch. They are able to form mental images of their surroundings with only their hands. This could potentially cross over with Helen Keller jokes? I'm still working on this one.
- Raccoons love tipping over trash cans and eating our trash. It's like, "Hey, silly raccoons, don't you know that's garbage??" Right?
- Raccoons are pretty smart. For animals. I'm pretty sure.
- Raccoons are omnivores. Which means they'll eat ANYTHING - cupcakes, worms, and even funnier things.
So, in conclusion, RACCOONS IN 2012, RACCOONS IN 2012, RACCOONS IN 2012!
Wear this shirt: and we'll donate $5 to the raccoon campaign (nope).
Don't wear this shirt: when you're in a police lineup or space-time will implode.
This shirt tells the world: "I'm on the LAMb"
We call this color: Joke's on him when he finds that bag's full of silver.