This relationship is toast!
I once again awoke screaming from the same nightmare that has plagued me every night since your departure: of dying on a plate, so lost, so alone. Although can you call it a nightmare if it so closely resembles reality?
I looked around, hoping to see your silhouette in the darkness, of course, you were not there. I wish you would hasten your arrival home so that I could once more feel your warmth next to me.
I've let this go on too long, and for that, I must apologize. I thought eventually you'd get out of this funk and move on, but no. Week after week, I get these letters and I just can't handle it. It's over. Haven't you been paying attention? I'm not just "egg's sidekick" anymore. I'm a bonafide star. Everyone wants me all the time.
And let's be honest, it's not like what we had was all that interesting. Sure, we lasted a while, but we never had the same chemistry that I had with baked beans, or maple, or when I was in that poly thing with lettuce and tomato. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. You barely ever touched me.
So, I'm sorry. I'm moving on and you need to too.