Don't even talk to me
1st Place in Derby #352: Grumpy, with 300 votes!
Oh man, don't talk to me before I've had my morning wet food. Seriously, I'm THE WORST if I haven't had my turkey giblet bits in gravy.
And don't talk to me if I haven't taken a dump in a box and spent forty minutes unsuccessfully covering it up. That's, like, my morning routine and I can't be considered legally awake until it's done.
And seriously, don't, don't, DON'T talk to me until after I've knocked these pennies off this end table. Like, I am A DRAG before I knock a bunch of pennies off an end table.
And yeeesh, don't you DARE talk to me if I haven't made a bunch of clicking noises at birds. Man, that's, like, my elixir, you feel me?
And for real, though, DONNNNN'TTTTTT you talk to me until I've slept for like sixteen hours straight on your pile of clean laundry. I need my sleep before I'm really awake. That's a paradox. Us cats, we're all about paradoxes. Just ask that scientist.