2nd Place in Derby #345: Snarky Slogans, with 240 votes!
In the morning, Homer Zuckerman, went to Wilbur's pen only to find a message written in the web above it. "Meh," it read. Homer's jaw nearly hit the ground. His inner monologue went thusly:
This pig sits here, mere minutes from being slaughtered, and he doesn't even give a crap. Like, he's just doesn't care at all. I'm like, you're gonna be bacon, and he's all, yeah, whatever. It's amazing. Gosh, Wilbur seems pretty cool. I bet he sneaks out and smokes cigarettes behind the barn when no one's looking. I wonder if he would be my bro. No way, he's way too cool for me. I'm so lame. I can't believe I would even think a pig as dope as Wilbur would want to be bros with me. Come back to reality, Homer. Only the lamest, dumbest pigs would want to be your friend. Why are you such an idiot? Why? Why? Why? STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Wait! I have an idea!
Homer turned to Wilbur and said, "Wilbur, I shall grant you sanctuary from slaughter, if you agree to be bros with me." And Wilbur agreed, and they were total bros forevermore. The end.