Con-Solo

by wootbot

3720:1, Roughly

All I really need to know about navigating an asteroid field I learned from the 80s. 

"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is --" 

"Never tell me the odds. I just have to rotate the ship in a circle and fire at the asteroids as they approach." 

"But sir, that will just break the asteroids into smaller and smaller pieces!" 

"Then I'll shoot THOSE pieces. Now hang on -- this is gonna get messy." 

"Sir! Sir! There are too many small asteroids heading towards you at once! You won't be able to shoot them all!" 

"Shut up, ya walking calculator! Then I'll use my thrusters to avoid 'em." 

"BEEEEP WOOOoooooo WEEP BEEP ZZZOOO" 

"What did he say?" 

"He said that, once you begin using your thrusters, you will no longer be able to stay in one place, and navigating the field will become infinitely more difficult, sir!" 

"To hell with it! I'm gonna…well…wait. I don't want to keep drifting this way. What happens when I hit the edge of the asteroid field? HANG ON! WE'RE GONNA HIT!" 

"It has been a pleasure serving you, sir--" 

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII oh. We just popped back on the other side of the field. Phew."