Death By Kitty

by wootbot

Only a matter of time.

Claw and Order: SVMew

DETECTIVE PURELLE PATS: Toxicology reports have come in on all of the victims.

DETECTIVE HINK POPTHROB: Anything?

PATS: Doesn’t look like it.

POPTHROB: (Exasperated sigh.) What is happening to this town, Purelle?

PATS: I don’t know, Hink. I don’t know.

POPTHROB: We’ve got six victims, six backgrounds, six different CODs … what is the common thread, here?

CAPTAIN LOG BLOODLUST: I DON’T CARE. JUST FIND IT.

POPTHROB: Why don’t you just come out and say what this is really about, Captain? You don’t think I can do this job.

BLOODLUST: I DON’T PAY YOU TO DANCE. WE’VE GOT A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ON THE LOOSE AND NO ANSWERS. GUUUH. Shoves a bunch of stuff off nearby desk in frustration.

PATS: Is this about us?

BLOODLUST: IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT US, PURELLE.

OFFICER CRAM CHIPPY: What’s a toxicology report?

PATS: You’re drunk again!

BLOODLUST: No, no. It’s just my allergy medication. My sister’s cat is staying with us and he’s killing me -

POPTHROB: (Slaps sandwich out of Bloodlust's hand.) Hold on. Say that again.

BLOODLUST: That cat is killing -

Everyone gasps the gasp of epiphany.

TO BE CONTINUED?