by wootbot

Evil Is Actually Quite Evil

Guest lecturer Dr. Manitoba Sunrise explains the nature of evil and how, if left unchecked, it can become eviler.

Welcome, and hello. And thank you. So. Evil. What is it? Quite simply, it's a 4'x4' square of horrible. Here, I brought a test sample. DON'T TOUCH IT. Haha I'm kidding, you can touch it. But you'll be dead in four days.

And how, pray tell, is evil born? Wellllllllllll, when a male evil and a female evil decide that they are very much in love, they mash their nightmarish cilia until a shriveling pool of pus is secreted nine months later. [displays PowerPoint graphic]

Who here lives in a house, apartment, or any other space? All of you. Wow, ok. Well, chances are you have evil in your home. Check inside heating vents, under the fridge, inside the fridge, or in the mirror. Haha about that last one. But really, do check your mirror. You have copious amounts of evil festering in plain sight, and if left unchecked, it will multiply (use math).

Here's what you can do: (1) sleep for 400 years until the problem's been eradicated, (2) drink only electrolytes, (3) spread the word about evil to your friends, co-workers, and family until you die. Remember: Only together can we...wait, that's not how it goes. Together, only we can put...no. Hang on. [checks notes] Oh! Remember: I am complete dumbface. [45 min passes] Ah, someone switched out my notes. Haha.