2nd Place in Derby #364: $10k Cup, Round 2: Style, with 312 votes!
On this day, citizens, Mr. Mâché shall be hanged and pummeled until death doth ensue. Mr. Mâché was judged guilty of crimes most unspeakable and justly condemned to the severest of punishments. We have assembled a cadre of area residents with iron stomachs to perform the exacting sentence. There will be no mercy. There will be margaritas. Mr. Mâché, have you any last words?
Poignant. Poetic. We have asked greater beings for your forgiveness. Sadly, there will be no charity for you here on Earth. Your first executioner has been suitably blindfolded and disoriented. Executioner, I command you in this backyard's name that you bring Mr. Mâché to that place of execution and carry out the aforesaid punishment.
A worthy effort. The next executioner shall step forward.
Yet another righteous swing. Next executioner, please lead Mr. Mâché to ensuing death.