2nd Place in Derby #309: Balance, with 243 votes!
Oh, are you guys struggling? That's too bad. I'd help, but you know, the guy asked how many planets it would take to screw in a light bulb, and as established by science, I AM NOT A PLANET!
No, I'm not bitter. I don't even wanna take part in your stupid little light game. The life of a dwarf planet isn't as easy or as boring as you might think. I got PLENTY to do! PLENTY! Like, I gotta revolve… and I gotta grab some really old, weak light waves that are coming in, and…
Okay, FINE! I'm LONELY! I'm super-duper LONELY! And I would LOVE to help you screw in that light bulb if you'd just let me hang out with… Oh, you got it on your own? Cool. That's for the better, really! Now, I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom. If it sounds like I'm crying, I'm not.