I Quit!

by wootbot

Hey Man, Lay Off

1st place in Derby #267: Worst. Job. EVER, with 505 votes!

It's difficult to justify quitting any job in this economy, but sometimes you get stuck in a stinker. Some people take the ill-advised approach of trying to get on disability, but, as this shirt illustrates, this choice is fraught with potential dangers. No, the clear choice for the discerning layabout is to get laid off so you can collect unemployment.

But how to accomplish this feat? It is a delicate dance, this attempt to get laid off. On the one hand, you don't want to be such a clearly incompetent employee that you get fired, and you don't want to be good enough that they're forced to keep you on when belt-tightening occurs. You must find what Aristotle would call the "golden mean" of satisfactory employee performance. You must be the first name that comes to your manager's mind when he or she thinks the word "nonessential."

For instance, if you are a teacher, you want to make sure your kids aren't FAILING their standardized tests, but you also don't want them to show significant improvement over the previous year. Just keep a steady hand at the tiller and let things coast. If you're, say, a writer for a deal-a-day e-commerce website, try writing product descriptions that only tangentially relate to the product you are describing, and which fail to end with any kind of comedic "hook."

Wear this shirt: if you are a goon in a SNES video game.

Don't wear this shirt: around all your killjoy OSHA friends.

This shirt tells the world: "When I see danger, I leave."

We call this color: Every workplace accident has a silver lining.