Kraken Bathtime

by wootbot

Why Not Cephalopods?

Evolutionary gifts are arbitrarily given. 

There are a lot of injustices in the world. Some end up on the top, others on the bottom, and there isn't always a good reason why.

Take cephalopods. These mollusks, whose members include squids, octopuses, and nautiluses, are the most intelligent invertebrates on the planet. They have been observed using tools, solving complex problems, and just generally showing off the power of their weird, squishy brains. So why didn't they end up evolving into the dominant intelligent creatures on the planet instead of us?

The answer: There's probably no good reason. It could have gone either way. It's just the way the cookie crumbled that hominid brain evolution took off while cephalopods remained smart-but-not-too-smart.

A few twists of fate in the evolutionary past, and it could have been a giant squid typing this writeup instead of a human. Of course, invertebrate brains differ so fundamentally from mammals' that their "sense of humor" would have been totally different. Here's a potential squid joke:

LIGHT LIGHT LIGHT FISH FEAR ALL THE FISHES IN MY MAW

Different strokes for different animal taxa, I suppose. 

Wear this shirt: to remind squids of their place in the great hierarchy of nature.

Don't wear this shirt: underwater; cotton absorbs.

This shirt tells the world: "Rub a dub dub, there's a monstrosity in my tub."

We call this color: Baby bluega in the deep blue sea.