Oink Up On Your History
3rd place in Derby #283: Slogans for Animals, chosen by guest editor Narfcake!
Pigs, historically, have played not just a large part in not just our breakfast, but in many other aspects of our culture as well!
For example, did you know that the fork was invented by a pig? The fact that it would be the very utensil used to consume the inventor and his species is considered one of history's greatest ironies!
And, how about this: David Mamet originally wrote Glengarry Glen Ross for a cast entirely of pigs. It's true! Unfortunately, Mamet and the members of the original pig cast didn't see eye-to-eye, so he fired them all and cast some people. That's why, whenever you try to talk to a pig about David Mamet, they're like, "Ugh! Don't get me started about David Mamet!"
Here's another: pigs are born knowing CPR but, due to the harshness of their hoofed feet, cannot perform it. In the 1980s, a team of scientists tried to make a special boot that would allow pigs to carry out the cardiopulmonary resuscitation procedure, but their work was met with such strong resistance from the lifeguard industry that they had to give up.
See, pigs aren't just meat animals! They're valuable members of society!