Mr. Spork

by Wootbot

They didn’t even know if he was possible. His father, a high-ranking fork always working for the good of the Cutlery Federation. His mother, a spoon, from the distinguished part of the drawer. Their love was enough to overcome all.

He was outcast from the start. Few friends. Stand-up comics found him an easy target. High school kids like to say his name to appear “random”. He was lonely, but it was not logical to be lonely, so he had no one to tell.

When he was assigned to the tiny plastic bag with the knife and the napkin, he did his best to impress them. He would not admit it. But as the trio faced chicken, and pudding, and potato salad, and coleslaw, they became like brothers, and all of them knew that he had within him the best of both worlds.

This shirt was designed by: Rob Glenn, the controversial Derby designer of Hidden Message Day and Aaarrrgyle. In fact, so controversial that we probably shouldn’t have mentioned any of that. Forget we ever said anything.

Wear this shirt: while looking face first into the dilithium chamber in order to reconstitute the crystal matrix so that the warp coil can be cross-metabolized before the ion threshold of the nebula can… you know what? Maybe it’s time to direct.

Don’t wear this shirt: when dealing with the bloodlust of pon farr. You should take off that shirt like it was Spring Break and wave ‘em around in the harsh desert air.

This shirt tells the world: “Your mind… to my mind… your shirt… to my shirt…”

We call this color: We’ve Used So Many Jokes About Asphalt It Is Not Logical That We’d Still Be Expected To Come Up With More

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
M – 3X: 9” x 10.21”
S – WS: 6.75” x 7.65”

Pantone Color(s): White – 656C – 660C – 7507C – 7409C – Black

Please check American Apparel's sizing chart for men or for women before you order. The Woot Tee, constructed by American Apparel, follows their classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.