My Trivial Pursuits

by wootbot

Bill

3rd Place in Derby #312: '80s Retro, with 223 votes!

Bill Blanchard, hunter of trivialities, has in his house a large and extensive trophy room. On its walls, you will find the following things mounted: a wooden clothespin, an IOU note for $1, the bottom of a hamburger bun, a dandelion, a tuft of hair belonging to someone who went to high school with Detroit Pistons point guard Brandon Knight, and several tasteful buttons.

He often opens his home to visitors and gives tours. If you ever find yourself on one of these tours, be mindful and show absolutely no interest. If Bill senses even a flicker of excitement in your eyes, he will tear down whatever mount you're looking at and set it aflame right then and there.

"I am a hunter of trivialities," he'll say. "Your interest has endowed it with meaning and relevance, and so it may no longer hang from my walls."