by wootbot

This place is going to Hel.

3rd Place in Derby#281:Things That Start With the Letter N, Guest Editor Nathan Pyle's pick!

Hey, I'm not judging here. I'm just saying if we chose creation myths on the basis of pure, unadulterated awesomeness we'd probably all be Norse pagans to this day. Have you ever read into any of this stuff? They've got a giant tree holding all the various planes of existence in its branches, right? And in the top is this eagle that eats the leaves and talks mad s--- to this squirrel, okay? Only he's not messing with the squirrel; the squirrel listens to what he says, and then scampers down this giant multiverse-spanning tree and relays the s--- talk to this dragon, yeah, a DRAGON, that sits underneath the tree gnawing on the roots.

It's not like the dragon's trying to be a jerk, it's just sort of his lot in life to eat the tree roots and just in general handle a lot of the death/underworld kind of jobs. But the dragon's all, "Yo. Squirrel. You tell that eagle somethin' for me," and the squirrel goes skittering back up to the tree and he's all, "Ooooh S---, son! You won't BELIEVE what that wyrm said about your mom!" And it goes back and forth like that.

I'm just saying if you're gonna pick a fable to explain the universe for you, go with the one that has the most smack-talking dragons.

Wear this shirt: To your Ragnar√łkkr party.

Don't wear this shirt: During Fimbulvetr, unless you've got a really warm coat to wear over it.

This shirt tells the world: "You know what, rather than get into the whole thing let's just go with your initial assumption that it's a heavy metal album cover."

We call this color: Yggblacksill