Choose Your Own Theology
I'm just telling you it's what I'd prefer to believe.
"But it's nonsensical!"
"Is it? Is it any more nonsensical to believe that there's a giant, ambivalent unicorn in the sky who may or may not have created us but definitely does not interfere in our affairs or really even acknowledge our existence?"
"Because no one believes that!"
"But it makes no sense! Where does your morality come from?"
"The same place it always has. Myself. I do good things because it feels right, and I want people to treat me nicely in return."
"But how will the evil be punished if your sky unicorn is so ambivalent?!"
"The same way they are now: by the laws we enact and the police and judges that serve and protect us. The sky unicorn doesn't really enter into any of that stuff."
"But you have no guarantee of eternal reward for a life well-lived! You have no guarantee that those who transgress shall be punished for eternity!"
"Yeah, but…neither do you. You just believe that's what happens. The same as me just believing in an ambivalent sky unicorn."
"I- Well- You-"
"Besides, have you really sat and thought about ETERNITY? I don't know if there's anything I would want to go on forever. It kind of kills the appeal. I'll stick with the unicorn, but no hard feelings."
Wear this shirt: While videotaping yourself posing. Make sure "Goodbye Horses" is playing in the background.
Don't wear this shirt: If you remember that scene from The Cabin in the Woods.
This shirt tells the world: "I feel a kinship with androgynous, mythical beasts."
We call this color: Royal Bluenicorn