Penguin Suit

by wootbot

A.R.S.

Some people never feel comfortable in their own blubberless skin. 

"As your doctor, I just want to explain the ramifications and risks of this surgery."

"OK."

"I'm sure you know, but Avian Reassignment Surgery is no trivial matter. It requires a major overhaul of physiological and anatomical systems."

"I understand. It's just that I've known since I was young enough to remember that I should have been born as a penguin, not a human."

"Many people feel that way, but you have to ask yourself seriously: Is it worth it? Your arms will be shorn off and replaced with stubby flippers. Your nose will be sanded down to a tough, fish-catching beak. The procedure is non-reversible and quite expensive."

"I know. I feel trapped in this body, doctor. I'm supposed to be out there with my kind - protecting my egg against the buffeting winds in the interior Antarctic."

"You'll have to take regular doses of Avian Hormone, which will cause your hair to fall out and feathers to grow in its place…"

"I know."

"…Your lower intestine and sex organs will be fused into a single cloaca…"

"I understand."

"…And you will lose the ability to communicate, think symbolically, or love."

"I hear you. But doctor: What other choice do I have?"

"Well, you could wear this t-shirt that sort of makes you look like a penguin."

"Oh, all right. I'll definitely just do that. Thanks! See ya, doc."

"Drat. Another $100,000 lost. You're too honest, Dr. Penguino. Too honest by half."