2nd Place in Derby #317: Pockets PLUS bonus IRL Derby, with 266 votes!
Ma, you been messin' with my shirts again?
"Aww, Tony! I was just trying to help! Jeez, you go off spelunking and then come home and leave your dirty clothes on the floor the bathroom. I thought, hey, I'll throw 'em in a load of laundry, so they're not here stinkin' up the whole house!"
Ma, let me live my life!
"You call this a life, Tony? No job! No girlfriend! Still livin' with your momma! Ain't got no ambitions! Just Comin' home from those smelly caves with spider webs in ya hair! Bats nesting in your pockets! That ain't a life, Tony! I tell ya, many a mother woulda kicked you out MONTHS ago! You should be grateful for my generosity!"
Ugh! Just, tell me you didn't throw away my bat, Ma!
"Your bat? YOUR bat?! Pfft! We know what would've happened with that! Everything would be well and good for about a week - A SINGLE WEEK! - and then, you'd get bored, you'd forget about it, and who takes care of it? Your poor MOM! That's who! Well, I wasn't going to let that happen again, not after Boco, YOUR pet squirrel that I had to care for until his untimely death at the hands of the bug zapper, may he rest in peace."
"Sure, shrug it off, why don't ya, Tony? The nerve of ya, I tell ya! Now, go wash your hands! It's time for dinner!"
What are we having?
"Chicken parm, except with turkey instead of chicken, because it was on special. I tell ya, I don't think I can taste the difference!"