No Fate But What We Make
You have no idea how incredibly tiresome all these time travelers from dystopian futures are getting.
Okay, so maybe it’s not explicitly written in our corporate policies but, just to be clear, Shirt.Woot takes no responsibility whatsoever for what happens in your timeline after you receive your random shirt. None. Zero. ZILCH, bro. So don’t go spending your life trying to build some silly time machine or create a temporal portal directly into our warehouse just so you can go back and “fix things” by switching it out for another one. Seriously, it only slows the process down and that in itself may cause even more problems for you in the new future you are trying to create.
I mean, do you know how many multiversal realities spring to life because of a Random Shirt sale like this? It’s a number somewhere around infinity, dude, for real. Just because the shirt and/or shirts we send you may have set a series of events that brought about the destruction of mankind in YOUR timeline doesn’t mean the opposite didn’t happen in another. Why don’t you slide on over to that dimension and bother the you that’s happy. Or, you know, kill him and take him place. Whatever keeps you people out of our business is fine with us.
Oh, and those of you who were thinking of traveling back because the shirt you got was somehow involved in the end of your greatest relationship? Think about this before you hit 88mph: He or she left you over a shirt. Is that really someone you want to risk tearing a hole in space-time for? I think not.
Wear this shirt: without definite aim, direction, rule, or method.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you think picking out the perfect visual pun, cute anthropomorphic character, or pop culture reference is worth a few extra bucks.
This shirt tells the world: “Regardless of my attractiveness relative to social norms, the fact remains that Shirt.Woot dresses me funny.”
We call this color: One Of Sixteen
Please check our sizing chart before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.