2nd Place in Derby #313: College!, with 175 votes!
Look, I know it was cool living in a sewer and fighting crime when we were 16, but guys, it's time to grow up. I mean, I'm a poly-sci major. I want to run for senate some day. There can't be photos surfacing of me enforcing vigilante justice and encouraging poor nutritional habits like eating pizza every night.
So, I'm sorry, but I think it's time to go our separate ways. We can still be friends, but we need to grow up. Also, I'm selling the van and buying a Prius. It'll help me bolster my image of being environmentally conscious.