Saving Throw

by wootbot

We've All Had THAT Friend

Third Place in Derby #280: Gamer Lifestyle, Guest Editor orabbit's pick!

"Okay, you're faced with a howling Goblin Elite Guardsman. He looks pretty tough, and he's really mad."

"Okay, I smash him with my club."

"Woah, woah, woah! Not so fast, buddy, heh. You need to roll for initiative."

"What?"

"You know, to see who acts first."

"I do. I just said I do."

"That's not how it works."

"That's how it works in real life."

"Well, there are rules and mechanics in this game that-"

"THAT MAKE IT STUPID AND NOT FUN. Fine. I rolled a 2."

"The Goblin rolls a 16. He attacks first, swinging his wickedly-curved scimitar in a fierce arc down at your chest."

"I dodge."

"What?"

"I dodge. I duck down and roll to the left, plunging the dagger I keep strapped to my forearm deep into his belly."

"You can't do that. He has to roll for his attack."

"The attack I just dodged?"

"You only get to dodge it if he rolls under your Armor Class."

"UGH, FINE, ROLL THE STUPID DICE."

"Hit! You feel a sickly warm spot spreading in your armor as blood pools in your breastplate."

"I cannot even express to you how little I care at this point. Wake me up when someone actually DOES something."

Wear this shirt: To Gen Con.

Don't wear this shirt: The WHOLE TIME you're at Gen Con. Bring a couple changes of clothes, please. Don't feed into the stereotypes.

This shirt tells the world: "Roleplaying is a life of action and adventure! So long as you abide by the minutiae of carefully-crafted and hotly-contested rules governing every possible action you can take."

We call this color: I rolled a 1 and lost olive my treasure.