We've All Had THAT Friend
Third Place in Derby #280: Gamer Lifestyle, Guest Editor orabbit's pick!
"Okay, you're faced with a howling Goblin Elite Guardsman. He looks pretty tough, and he's really mad."
"Okay, I smash him with my club."
"Woah, woah, woah! Not so fast, buddy, heh. You need to roll for initiative."
"You know, to see who acts first."
"I do. I just said I do."
"That's not how it works."
"That's how it works in real life."
"Well, there are rules and mechanics in this game that-"
"THAT MAKE IT STUPID AND NOT FUN. Fine. I rolled a 2."
"The Goblin rolls a 16. He attacks first, swinging his wickedly-curved scimitar in a fierce arc down at your chest."
"I dodge. I duck down and roll to the left, plunging the dagger I keep strapped to my forearm deep into his belly."
"You can't do that. He has to roll for his attack."
"The attack I just dodged?"
"You only get to dodge it if he rolls under your Armor Class."
"UGH, FINE, ROLL THE STUPID DICE."
"Hit! You feel a sickly warm spot spreading in your armor as blood pools in your breastplate."
"I cannot even express to you how little I care at this point. Wake me up when someone actually DOES something."
Wear this shirt: To Gen Con.
Don't wear this shirt: The WHOLE TIME you're at Gen Con. Bring a couple changes of clothes, please. Don't feed into the stereotypes.
This shirt tells the world: "Roleplaying is a life of action and adventure! So long as you abide by the minutiae of carefully-crafted and hotly-contested rules governing every possible action you can take."
We call this color: I rolled a 1 and lost olive my treasure.