Slow And Unfairly...

by wootbot

Science

It's tough to find first.

Oh, you think this is simple, huh? You think our job is easy? You think this is just some thing where we open a gate and it leaves, magically seeking the first place racer on its own. HA! I laugh at that assertion. Nay, I don't laugh, because I have so much hard work to do that I don't have time to laugh. So, I chortle, so rapidly, in fact, that you probably can't hear it. My chortle is so quick that it probably sounds like a single click of record static, if you notice it at all. Because that is all I have time for.

No, it is not simple, what we do. Our process is controlled by a variety of different scientific principles that vary wildly in their complexity. There are valves, and dials, and beakers, and timers, and wires, and steam, and gasoline, and oil, and lunar charts, and cookies, and periodic tables, and equations, and pots, and pans, and charts, and graphs, that all must consulted, managed, and/or eaten at exactly the right time by a team of two or more professional scientists in order for our shell to find the appropriate racer at the appropriate time.

And really, that's the cliff's notes version of it all, because if you haven't caught on yet, I'm very, very, VERY busy.