4th Place in Derby #307: Red, White, and Blue , with 190 votes!
The debate around the Second Amendment is complicated and fraught with controversy, but we would like to suggest an amendment to that amendment that we believe should be universally applauded:
Every citizen have the right to shoot a bazooka once and only once in his or her lifetime.
We're not saying that bazookas should be legal to own, but that everybody gets one free, non-criminal shot with a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. Just one.
Of course, most folks will probably use their shot around age 12, when the appeal of the bazooka is at its apex. But cooler heads will hold off until they really need to blow the crap out of something -- like while being attacked by a bear or communists. Or a communist bear.
You might be thinking, "But I don't even want to fire a bazooka." Yes you do. You clearly haven't thought about this enough; it's a freakin' bazooka. Imagine the sound it will make. THUMP. And then it will be all ZZZZZZEEEEEEOOOOOO. And then it will hit something and be like BOOOOOOOOM. Noodle on it, and we think you'll come around to our agenda.