Oh yeah, Halloween. REAL scary, guys.
1st place in Derby #219: Safari, with 1066 votes!
You humans disgust me. You think you’ve got EVERYTHING figured out, like the world just revolves around you guys because you learned to walk upright and you won the evolutionary lottery with some opposable thumbs. And so now you’re so soft and weak you invent things to scare yourselves, like ghosts and goblins and sparkly vampires.
You want to be scared? I’m a Thomson’s Gazelle. Try walking a mile in my hooves.
You idiots think paying some of your “money” to go into a dark room and watch fictional scary stuff is a good time? I have to keep my eyes peeled at all times or it’s lights out. Forever. There’s no, “oh I had a bad dream, I’m so scared!” for gazelles. If I forget to check my six while I’m taking a freaking drink of WATER I’m going to get my ass bitten off.
You think your “bills” or “taxes” are keeping you up at night? Try this on for size: you’re eating your breakfast, except you don’t have a nook or a kitchen or dining room or whatever, so you’re out in a field, chewing some wild grass. It’s delicious. In fact it’s so delicious, your guard drops just for a few seconds. You fail to notice a slight whiff of a predatory meat eater as the wind changes for a split second. You find some young, green shoots and dive in, forgetting your routine of raising your head to periodically scan the horizon. Suddenly, you hear it: a small snap of a twig. You freeze. Instinctively your eyes focus on the tall grass just to your right. That’s when you see it.
Just a pair of hungry, yellow eyes. And the last thing you experience is a horrific chase through the grasslands before your life ends in a suffocating bite to the throat.
But yeah, I’m sure The Exorcist was toooootally “the scariest thing ever.” Idiots.
Wear this shirt: To camouflage yourself while stalking your prey.
Don’t wear this shirt: Around any kind of antelopes.
This shirt tells the world: “Not if I see you first! Ha ha ha! Get it? Because I’ll use the element of surprise to leap out of hiding and murder you.”
We call this color: You can tell the scared gazelles by the Brown pattern on their backsides.
Design Placement: Centered
3X – S: 12.00” x 13.03”
WXL - K4: 9.00” x 9.77”
Pantone Color(s): 544C - 143C - 1405C - 410C - Black
Please check our sizing chart before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.