Here kissy, kissy.
Psst. Cat. C'mere! Here, kitty! Here, kitty kitty. Please come over here. Please.
Look, I'll reason with you, okay. I need a breather. This guy's been kissing my cheek since some time in 1908 and I could use a friggin' break. Seriously, I don't know if there's any cheek LEFT under there anymore.
So, if you could just come over and take my place for a little bit, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't even think he would notice the difference. He started snoring in, like, 1952, and I don't think he's woken up since.
I'll make it worth your while. I'll buy you an eighth of the freshest, dankest cat nip and I'll bring in a whole new couch just for you to tear to shreds. All I need is a break. Half-hour. I swear. So, what do you say, cat?