3rd Place in Derby #324: Shirts As Costume III, with 232 votes!
Hi. I'm Todd, I'm a Jack-o-Lantern, and this design offends me.
Do you know how hard it is for us Jack-O's. We don't have arms. We don't have legs. People put burning candles in our heads, which makes it impossible to cool down. Like, ever. So, what do we have to live for? Our faces.
Except you people want to take that away from us. You want to paint us as something frightening. You point to our glowing eyes and our jagged-looking teeth and feign terror, when in reality, our eyes are simply hollow, and our jagged teach are soft to to the touch.
But far be it from you to abide by reality. Only when it is time to smash us on the front steps do you acknowledge our softness. Otherwise, you think we're so scary, but just look at us, just take a real close look and you tell us that we-
Oh, sorry. Just caught my reflection in this mirror over here. Whoops. Anyway, where was I?