Catmand and Conquer
2nd place in Derby #288: Mad Science, Editor's choice.
Excerpts from the journal of Dr. Flufflesworth, mad feline scientist:
"Some days, I feel invincible. Other days, I think to myself, if I am unable to capture the red dot that occasionally enters the room from who knows where, how can I expect to conquer the giant green and blue dot known as Earth?"
"I had it all figured out, the plans for my doomsday device. But then someone opened a can nearby, and I totally lost my train of thought. But no bother. I'll figure it out again, and then all the cans will be mine!"
"My assistant, Melvin, asked me, 'Do you ever scare yourself?' to which I replied, 'Ha! No! Not ever!' But it was too late. My tail was already puffed up like a feather duster, giving me away."
"My work is nearly complete now. Tomorrow, I will pounce upon the world as if it were catnip toy. My one hope: that the Earth makes a crinkling sound as I lay waste to it. Because I love crinkling sounds."