Derby #193: Catchy Slogans for Everyday Products

Hey, this Derby's over. When you're finished reliving past glories, check out what's going on in the Derby right now. It's probably even cooler. Or at least newer.

It's weird to think that in today's world, just existing subjects you to a ceaseless bombardment of advertising, marketing gimmicks, and various ham-fisted attempts to convince you to buy junk. People will buy a t-shirt with a logo on it, essentially paying for the right to be walking billboards. So why not spread the capitalist spirit? This week give us your best takes on updated, "hip," and new slogans for common, every day products. Let us be perfectly clear: you're not coming up with slogans for trademarked brands, so no "Mountain Dew: For When You Need to Drink Vegetable Oil!" shirts. You would have to do something like "Green Viscous Soda!" Other generic products to give you a better idea include bread, toothpaste, toilet paper, Cola, and yard sticks. Now for the rules:

discuss this derby (304 comments) | discuss these derby entries (1693 comments)

+13
+22
+124
+5
+36
+464
+114
+55
+19
+805
+210
+195
+1
+1
+4
+50
+646
+76
+139
+12
+23
+40
+31
+21
+1168
+763
+39
+11
+96
+16
+40
+18
+59
+34
+11
+258
+266
+10
+11
+48
+31
+754
+54
+16
+102
+26
+61
+255
+10
+28
+4
+251
+1
+38
+369
+7
+173
+33
+120
+885
+15
+67
+49
+453
+63
+7
+28
+144
+14
+335
+33
+55
+64
+23
+29
+58
+656
+636
+112
+133
+9
+3
+169
+8
+4
+4
+185
+834
+3
+150
+85
+5
+11
+17
+1
+41
+216
+1
+18
+10
+4
+365
+570
+23
+52
+16
+63
+49
+16
+20
+20
+27
+87
+12
+31
+30
+28
+3
+136
+577
+33
+34
+6
+68
+70
+92
+36
+26
+46
+25
+68
+152
+9
+2
+52
+5
+29
+27
+83
+57
+142
+1
+70
+0
+11
+155
+45
+36
+104
+70
+20
+111
+20
+1
+3
+16
+116
+28
+180
+1071
+25
+34
+84
+64
+209
+2
+11
+595
+60
+5
+52
+14
+19
+26
+27
+26
+205
+27
+30
+30
+13
+11
+69
+16
+318
+8
+23
+5
+23
+26
+37
+56
+1
+29
+210
+5
+21
+253
+27
+96
+49
+30
+36
+75
+22
+30
+6
+14
+18
+60
+33
+203
+337
+65
+372
+1
+65
+31
+3
+369
+282
+70
+1
+42
+154
+130
+19
+62
+40
+15
+65
+1
+68
+29
+4
+5
+5
+34
+16
+86
+19
+891
+21
+29
+103
+37
+148
+98
+3
+41
+21
+28
+119
+1126
+177
+1
+26
+4
+4
+94
+95
+42
+118
+109
+0
+210
+59
+23
+13
+19
+15
+18
+7
+67
+14
+87
+32
+67
+20
+38
+0
+1
+24
+16
+81
+0
+29
+69
+47
+45