We need some sort of Moustache Anti-Discrimination League! I grew a handlebar because I thought it looked awesome on my face, and since then I have to be unfairly lumped in with hipsters: people with whom I happen to share some interests. It seems like a guy can't grow nostalgic facial hair, purchase used vinyl records, or expand his plaid shirt collection without being labeled a hipster. Instead of "Hey, nice fedora! You sure must be a hipster!" how about, "Hey, you sure must be a guy who likes hats!" Why, yes I am! And thank you for withholding your cursory judgment.
That being said, I'll take one, please.