Woot® : One Day, One Deal™

So there you are on the steps with an armful of American masters. Poe and Lovecraft and some early Stephen King, and you’re clutching them to your chest to maneuver down the stairs. The stairs are covered in ice, but you can’t use the handrail, even though you should. You’re about to come face-to-face with your hubris and land hard on your butt. And everyone around you will laugh. And you’ll have to hide your face in shame. Maybe start living underground and wearing a mask. And before you know it, you’ll be the monster.

The darker side of literature doesn’t just exist to help us blow off steam. It’s there to teach us a lesson, to warn us about the poor souls who dared try to break the bonds of gravity that hold us in our place. Because those who achieve always stand before a great risk. Are they the main character… or are they just laying groundwork before someone else’s story begins?

That’s why this bag is so useful. It not only reminds you of the futility of existence, it also lets you carry some supplies in case things go bad. If it’s your destiny to be a monster, you can at least bring along a few good books.

Carry this tote: to show up that Ira Glass lovin’ so-and-so at the local bookstore. Who’s classy now, you biddy?

Don’t carry this tote: If you once worked with Raven Symoné. The media will make a big deal about how it’s some kind of statement.

This tote tells the world: “Poor devil, I need neither paper nor plastic. For I have brought mine own, and how I came about it is truly a heartbreaking and fantastical tale of… oh, sorry, didn’t notice there was a line.”