Parliament is expected this session to extend mandatory minimum sentences for the murder of crows. Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, before we act in haste, let us make a good faith effort to see this issue from all sides. To do so requires only that we rotate our heads almost all the way around.

Before we rush to undertake the proposed changes, it is imperative that we answer some simple questions. We must ask why this overhaul is necessary, and we must do our best to determine what unintended consequences might result. To date, my esteemed fellows, I have not heard any member of this body ask these questions. In fact, though it saddens me to report it, I have never heard any member of this body ask but one question about this or any other issue brought to the floor of this chamber.

Namely, “who? Who?” Even when that question makes no sense in context. It’s an obvious failing of our system.

Wear this shirt: raptor ‘round your torso.

Don’t wear this shirt: to appear before any actual parliament. Have some respect.

This shirt tells the world: “Owl make the rules around here from now on.”

We call this color: Hooter Heather Gray

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