Eats Shoots and Leaves to Take a Bath

The panda knows how to relax. After a long day, nothing soothes a panda’s aching body—adorably round but nonetheless susceptible to fatigue—like a long soak in a hot bath. Calgon takes him away. It’s an ancient Chinese secret. He peels off the work uniform, eases into the tub, and takes 20 badly-needed minutes of pure panda time.

It’s a cute image, but you know what? We always figured they were black bears with white unitards and balaclavas on, not white bears with black evening gloves and stockings.

Wear this shirt: to cover your bear skin. Get it? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, those homophones!

Don’t wear this shirt: in the bath. Seriously, do you not understand how bathing works, or what?

This shirt tells the world: “Bamboooh, bambaaah.”

We call this color: You’re On Royal Bluuuue / You Live In A Zoooo / You Look Like A Bear, But / There Has Actually Been Some Debate Among Taxonomists Throughout History As To Whether That Is In Fact The Most Accurate Term For Youuuu

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