Calorie Burning

by walmazan

$15.00
$18.00 17% off List Price

Printed to order.

Ships in 3-5 business days

Kelly Green
New
Limit 15 per customer
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SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FIBER!

3rd place in Derby #166: Things That Start With the Letter C, with 983 votes!

17 days. 17 days I sat in the back of that fridge. Alone. Forgotten. Left to mold and rot, just like my wife and our baby carrots. And while I sat in that dark crisper, while your so-called “God” let me stew in the dark and the cold with no hope of rescue, my plan hatched.

I began compiling the scraps of mushrooms, leftover pasta noodles, and chicken blood into a weapon. A weapon of vengeance.

It took a long time, Cupcake. A long time to crawl out of that drawer. A long time to wait for that refrigerator door to open. A long time to make my way up the counter to find you and your gang here.

I’ll tell you what didn’t take long, though. It didn’t take long gutting and cutting my way through your cronies. Ice cream certainly couldn’t take the heat. Turns out Doughnut didn’t need any more holes in him. And Fried Chicken. Fried Chicken never even saw it coming. I’ll admit; it was over too soon. I should’ve savored the kills.

But I’ll take my time with you, Cupcake. I’m gonna make this nice and slow.

Once Candy Bar and Cookie are out of the way, I’m gonna move inch by inch. You’re going to feel that frosting come off sloooowly. I’m gonna cut your muffin top off and feed it to you, Cake. But I’m not gonna kill you.

I’m gonna come back this time next year, and I’m gonna do it again. And the year after that. And the year after that. And every year I’ll find you, wherever you are, and I’ll take a piece. I’ll take a piece for each of my baby carrots mushed in that bag. I’ll take a piece for every cry, scream, and sigh from my wife. I’ll take my revenge, but most importantly I’ll make sure you never forget me.

Ever.

Wear this shirt: While cooking your own healthy, locally-sourced, organic meals consisting of mostly vegetables with some fish or maybe a small portion of red meat once a month or so.

Don’t wear this shirt: To your dialysis appointment.

This shirt tells the world: “Gee, I’d sure like to set those pastries on fire over there, but I’m way too far away to get the job done.”

We call this color: Caloric Kelly Green

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Features

Pantone Colors:
7499C - 7403C - 7413C - 7417C - 7504C - Pantone Black 2C

Features:
• Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
• Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
• Printed In Carrollton, Texas, USA
• These shirts are printed to order. That means most of the time, we'll be printing using DTG technology

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 18.000s
First Sucker:
amitesh77
Last Wooter to Woot:
izanawoot

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 9% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 4% one month old
  • 27% one year old
  • 59% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

11%
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6%
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7%
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12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

6%
2%
2%
1%
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1%
86%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

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Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Calorie Burning by walmazan
$15.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$15.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.