Chromium is his man on the inside… but for how long?

 The universe was once all Hydrogen, right? Hydrogen everywhere. Then it cooled in places, and there was some shifting, and we got a little Helium. And they trained together until they found the secrets of chemistry, which they then pledged to use only for justice! Helium eventually took Lithium as a student, and it kind of kept up like that. Some other stuff happened and soon we had carbon, gold, sodium, and even good ol’ oxygen! Then, back in the Fifties, the United States discovered plutonium and Russia discovered iron. That’s why they called it “The Iron Curtain”, you see. Because no one else had access to this magical new metal, but Russians had so much of it, they used it for curtains!

Of course, we were at war in Germany at this point in time, so Plutonium and Iron were always opposing each other. Finally, at Three Mile Island, Plutonium and Iron faced off, and only one survivor could walk away the victor, which is why we have no Iron in the world today. For a very long time after that, Plutonium was the king of all the elements, and was given the number 0. But then Plutonium became drunk with power, and turned evil. He challenged poor sweet Antimony to a duel and killed him in front of many witnesses! One of whom swore revenge. So around 1978, a new element arose, trained in secret on the island of the Lanthanoids and Actinoids. This element moved in shadow, beginning the long struggle to reach the top of the Periodic Table and smash apart the corruption of noble gases that forced the innocent heavy elements to live huddled in fear, rather than interacting in harmony. And this time… it’s personal.

Wear this shirt: while defending your work on the octagon shaped periodic table to your graduate advisor.

Don’t wear this shirt: around Werner Herzog. He beat Kinski, he can certainly beat you.

This shirt tells the world: “Yes, but in what do we store it?”

We call this color: Eighth Degree Black Belt Grand Master

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