Well, that’s one way to get into a “HOT KNIGHT CLUB.” Ha! Ha! Ha… huh.

3rd Place in Derby #79: Myths and Legends, with 804 votes!

Look, drago, you had your chance with Princess Phoebe and you blew it, OK? I mean, did you really think she’d never get tired of your whole gold-hoarding, village-razing thing? The bad boy act gets old.

Look, do yourself a favor and grow up a little. I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me. I mean—we aren’t friends or anything. But I know a little about what maidens like. And maidens like to know they’re going to have a future with a guy. Like—have you even thought about getting a job? I mean a real job, not just slaughtering adventurers for their treasure.

And seriously, bra? If someone doesn’t want to be with you, you’re not going to convince her by, like, clutching her in your talons, flying her to your foul lair and chaining her to a rock. Didn’t you ever hear about “if you love something, set it free?”

OK, so, dude—I was really hoping it wasn’t going to come to this, but you’re just being really not cool right now. So me and Phoebesers, we’re just going to go. F’rill, dude. Don’t even—Don’t even.

I swear, home slice, if you step to me with the fire-breath, you and me are going to have a problem. I mean, I’m all about talkin’ it out, and bros before hos, but I’m not gonna let ANYbody take ad—

OK, THAT’S IT, I’MA STRAIGHT UP SLAY YOU, I AIN’T EVEN PLAYIN’.

Wear this shirt: to D&D night, you D&D knight.

Don’t wear this shirt: to water polo night. Cotton absorbs something like three times its own weight in water. You’ll sink like a chubby stone.

This shirt tells the world: “In days of old, when knights were bold, and dragons even moreso / I bought this shirt—‘twas cheap as dirt—and wore it on my torso.”

We call this color: Lil’ Armor Dude Gonna Get Creme-ated

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