If you weren’t one of them, you probably looked down your pimple-ridden nose at them in high school. You thought you had them pretty much figured out, and when it came to your social aspirations, they didn’t figure in. And maybe it’s too late for you now, but we still think it’s worth disillusioning you. On the subject of band nerds—to paraphrase a certain hype-man-turned-reality-teevee-star—don’t believe the stereotype.

Seriously, those cats are crazy. They’re getting down in their own way, man, and getting way down at that. Wander down underneath the bleachers after halftime and catch “Iron Man” as performed by the delinquents of the brass section and you’ll see what we mean. Flagrant uniform violations! Majorettes gyrating lasciviously! The lone male clarinet player produces a flask of who-knows-what and these kids still all get excellent grades!

Eye-opening, isn’t it? Your consciousness is marching ‘round a sharp left turn, son. Guide right!

This shirt was designed by: Dan Rule, “Baron of the Baritone Sax,” a frequent threadless contributor and honorary drum major.

Wear this shirt: with spats, gloves, and an ostrich-plumed shako.

Don’t wear this shirt: to football practice, as if.

This shirt tells the world: “This one time? At band camp?”

We call this color: Kenneth Oliverd, The British March King.

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