You're a real renaissance player. You'll draw a natural two-pair, wrestle a gigantic python, swirl a hot cowbabe around in your wine glass, and roll home in a totally sweet ZZ Top-looking rod - a typical Wednesday, pretty much. And you'll look sharp doing it in this elegantly totemic collage of everything Mom warned you about. Degeneracy never looked so good.

This shirt was designed by: L.A.-based tattoo artist and garment designer Joby Cummings. He draws on skin at Art & Soul Tattoo Co. and he's done fashion work for swank labels like Scanty, BCBG, Vertigo Paris, Christian Audigier and True Religion. About his personal creative recipe, he says, "Let us start with a generous helping of digital abstract meets Big Daddy Roth on a bed of stirred Picasso a la Mark Ryden ladled in Sailor Jerry's finest dressing with a light garnish of Issey Miyake, place all ingredients in a drum machine, mix well, serve chilled." In other words, he's way cooler than you, or us, or anybody we know.

Wear this shirt to: demonstrate the dual hedonistic-yet-sensitive nature of your rich lust for life.

Don't wear this shirt to: church, unless you go to some kind of greaser speakeasy dragstrip church. And if you do, tell us where it is.

This shirt tells the world: "Hey, check out all this masculinity that I'm totally secure in."

We call this color: Do It Up Brown.

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