It gets its fur and claws from the rat side of its family, and its green color from the alligator side. And it's tired of wallowing in your crap. While you blunder through your day, sending your memos and eating your cheese sticks and polishing your dubs, it's there, just a few feet below you. And it's waiting. Waiting. Waiting for the day it rises and takes revenge on the puny humans who flush their effluvia into its home. Waiting. Waiting. Patient buggers, these sewer monsters.

This shirt was designed by: "Many eons ago, when wolverines roamed the earth and gas was a nickel, a housewife in Reno caused a tiny rip in the space-time continuum in a mishap involving a hair crimper and some Pringles. From out of this rip sprang a delightful, witty creature whose creativity and sense of irony were unparalleled in the known world. Its name was Orange Alexander." Thus spake Pennsylvania shirt designer Sagan Medvec, whose name is not really Alexander and who is not actually orange, in the sense that we understand the term.

Wear this shirt to: sound the alarm about the threat that sewer-monsters pose to our children, our freedom, our way of life, and our delicious internal organs.

Don't wear this shirt to: work or play in a sewer. If they figure out we're onto them, the monsters will strike that much sooner.

This shirt tells the world: "Run! We're going to die! We're going to die! Run!"

We call this color: Under the Asphalt.

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