Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen

by BootsBoots

$15.00
$18.00 17% off List Price
Will not arrive before December 25th
Asphalt
New
Limit 15 per customer
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NSFW (Not Safe For Whales)

2nd place in Derby #118: Visual Puns, with 1103 votes!

PETER, A BOY FROM NANTUCKET: A whale! I’ve sighted a whale! Aye, there’s her spout now! Just off the port bow! A whale, boys, a whaaale!

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Make haste, ye lazy dogs! Ye heard the boy! An extra ration of whiskey for the hand that kills the whale! Stand by the braces! Man the boats! Say, what kind of a whale be she, lad?

PETER: Uh… you know.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: I surely don’t, lad. You’re in the crow’s-nest; you tell me.

PETER: It’s, uh… that is… It’s a…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Right whale? Pilot? Humpback?

PETER: Sp… a sp… It’s a sp…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Oh, for the love of Mary, lad, sperm. Sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm. You’ll never make it in this business if ye’re embarrassed to say “sperm.”

PETER: Aye, cap’n.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: That’s just what they’re called. Sperm whales. It’s a perfectly innocent name. Let’s hear ye say it.

PETER: Uh, right now, cap’n?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Yes, now! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Spit it out!

PETER: Sp-spit it out?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: SPERM! SPERM! Land sakes, boy, how old are you? What kind of seaman do you expect to make?

PETER: I beg your pardon, sir?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: WHAT KIND OF SEAMAN WILL YOU MAKE?

PETER: I’m not, uh… sure. Are there many different kinds?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: What, are ye afraid to become a sailor? Ashamed of the sailor’s life? Worried what your folks will think if ye come home with a salty mouth?

PETER: Uh, maybe you're right, sir. Could you guys just drop me off at Nantucket? I think I've had my fill of seamen for one lifetime.

FIRST MATE CHISHOLM: Captain, the whaleboats are ready! Are you coming?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: No, but I sure am excited!

Wear this shirt: sailing, sailing.

Don’t wear this shirt: as part of a cetacean-themed outfit that incorporates an exposed “whale tail.”

This shirt tells the world: “Heh! Heh! ‘Sperm.’ Heh!”

We call this color: Salty Asphalty

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Features

Pantone Colors:
7499C - 558C - 7474C- Cool Gray 8C - 1405C- Black

Features:
• Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
• Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
• Printed In Carrollton, Texas, USA
• These shirts are printed to order. That means most of the time, we'll be printing using DTG technology

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 3.000s
First Sucker:
GreatClips
Last Wooter to Woot:
monditius

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 5% one month old
  • 38% one year old
  • 48% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 0% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

17%
7%
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2%
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2%
4%
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4%
5%
6%
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3%
3%
3%
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2%
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3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

2%
1%
1%
1%
1%
94%
1%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

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Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen by BootsBoots
$15.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$15.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.