1st place in Derby #221: Maps Redux!, with 875 votes!

Yargh! Here we be! After eleven cursed months at the mercy of the sea, we’ve made it! This be where the treasure’s buried! Wake the men and start them digging! We shall all be filthy rich within the hour!

“But captain, I don’t mean to disobey orders, but where’re we supposed to dig? It’s the middle of the ocean.”

Yes, so it be! But I followed me stars exactly. Are ye sure there’s no islands hiding about?

“Positive, captain.”

'Tis strange. The map presented to me in the sky said this be the spot of great wealth. Perhaps, we must wait until a mighty underwater volcano erupts causing a new island to be birthed before our eyes?

“I don’t know captain. That’s quite the process. I think it can take centuries.”

Argh! I’ll be nothing but a bearded skeleton by then! No, let it be done this way: give a shovel to the man who can hold his breath the longest, and send him a diving.

“Captain, I’m not sure you fathom how many fathoms we are from the sea floor! No man could make that dive!”

You know what, I have just about had it up to here with ye disagreeing with me. Fine, if ye don’t want to choose one of the men to make the plunge, go ahead and fetch ye the shovel, then overboard ye shall go with haste. And don’t come up unless ye cheeks be filled with gold! Am I making me-self clear?

“Crystal, captain.”

Wear this shirt: if it makes you twinkle, like a little star.

Don’t wear this shirt: if it makes you tinkle, like you had a little too much at the bar.

This shirt tells the world: “I am up in your night sky, finding your gold.”

We call this color: Black Beard’s beard black.

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