1st place in Derby #212: Back to School, with 813 votes!

It’s a medical condition, okay? Trombocal Chords. Look it up on WebMD if you want, but the gist of it is my vocal chords developed in such a way that they can only produce audible sound with the aid of a doctor prescribed trombone. You’d think that the kids I teach would be the rudest about it, but they’re actually pretty understanding. It’s everyone else that I have a problem with.

I mean, I’ll try to do a one-on-one tutoring session in the library at school, and the librarian will always mumble something about “going back to the music room” where I belong. Then, on Friday, after a long week at the chalk board, I’ll go to the bar, sit down, try to order a drink, and the bartender will say, “Sorry lady, we already got a band booked for the evening.” Or I’ll be out walking on the street, and I’ll try to ask people for directions and they’ll just toss change at me. It’s absolutely miserable, I tell you!

One day, I hope that scientists can build medical trombones that are softer and clearer, or better yet, develop a surgical procedure to repair Trombocal Chords, eliminating the need for a medical trombone altogether. But until then, please be understanding.

Wear this shirt: if You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

Don’t wear this shirt: to Woodstock.

This shirt tells the world: “Look at me, I’m Joe Cool!”

We call this color: the exact hue of the Great… Lemon?

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