All we are is dust in the wind. Unless the wind has one hydrogen for every two oxygens. In that situation we’re just sort of a big party mix for fish to nibble on. Try and cram that particular truth into a power ballad and see what it gets you.

The funny thing about life is that it seems to be unnatural. Think about it, when you build a car that needs to trash the environment in order to run, everyone gets mad at how selfish you’re being. When you write a computer program that commandeers other computer programs, you get arrested and go to jail. When you do a Google Search for broccoli and then you… oh, right, sorry, sorry. But even the smallest bacteria need to devour something else in order to survive. Life is clearly about who can win unconditionally, right?

So that’s why we’re choosing to support the ocean. It’s already taking back the beaches. It’s already getting bigger as the icecaps melt. It drowns mammals, it smashes ships, it’s impossible to drink and we haven’t even seen it all yet. That nice little ocean is a juggernaut of watery murder but if we get rid of it, we die in one generation. So why bother fighting any more? What can we do? Nothing, that’s what. The ocean will take us all eventually. That’s right. Ultimately, the future belongs to the bottom feeders.

Wear this shirt: when you’re dressing up to scare away those meddling kids and their stupid dog.

Don’t wear this shirt: without taking an approved certification course.

This shirt tells the world: “BYOA or GTFO.”

We call this color: The Royal Navy Blue. No, not “Navy Blue”, Royal Blue. Like the Royal Navy. No, it’s perfectly clear if you think about it. No, it isn’t too complex, look the color is Royal Blue, and the Royal Navy once sailed on the… Oh, really? Well, maybe you’re the jerkface, did you ever think about that?

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