The Tyger

by ramyb

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Writing Exchange

1st place in Derby #245: Poetry Illustrated, with 861 votes!

To: w.blake@jmail.com

Subject: RE: thoughts on new poem (“Tyger”)

Bill!

Oh man, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to you on this. I really loved the poem but I do have some critiques. I’ll go through it, stanza by stanza:

1st stanza – Wait, does “eye” seriously rhyme with “symmetry”? The only way I could get it to work was by saying it in the Cartman voice (“respect my authori-tye!”). Did you mean it like that? If so, LOL!!!

2nd stanza – This one looked good. Just need to say, “What the hand dare sieze the fire?” The dumb hand, amirite?? Seriously, that stuff hurts!!

3rd Stanza – Question here: “Dread hand” and “dread feet”? Is that related to “dreadlocks”? Like, knotty and not washed in a while? You should explain that.

4th Stanza – “What the hammer? what the chain?” Bro, it’s poetry. You don’t have to censor yourself. You can use the f-word if you want. You don’t have to replace it with “hammer” or “chain.” In fact, it kinda makes you look a little juvenile. Just sayin’!

5th Stanza – Great twist with “Did he who made the Lamb make thee?” I seriously had no idea this poem took place in a Greek restaurant until this line!

6th StanzaOMG, I can’t believe I missed this until now. It’s spelled “tiger” with an i, not a y, bro. Seriously, you gotta work on your proofreading!

Anyway, I think this could be a totally bangin’ poem with just a few tweaks! Let me know if you need any more advice!

Party on,
Lordy G. Gordy Byron

Wear this shirt: if you’re a flirt.

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This shirt tells the world: “Once upon time, poems did rhyme!”

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Features

Pantone Colors:
136C - 158C - 1675C - 180C - 490C

Features:
• Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
• Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
• Printed In Carrollton, Texas, USA
• These shirts are printed to order. That means most of the time, we'll be printing using DTG technology

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The Tyger by ramyb
$15.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$15.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
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4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.