You can only give so much tat on credit.

Once upon a time, there was an Empress and a nightingale. Each day, the Empress would awaken and see the nightingale singing. “Oh, nightingale,” the Empress would say, “I am enamored of you so. There are days when I feel I only exist just to hear your beautiful voice.” And the nightingale would reply, “Hey, that’s great, now take off your royal shirt.”

The Empress would giggle and say, “Oh, nightingale! I could never do a thing like that! For I am an Empress and as such reserved for another who is better than you, although I am soooo enamoured with your lovely voice. Please, sing to me again.” And the nightingale would say “Look, baby, I’m a professional, you know, I don’t work for free. A songbird won’t give song on a tree that doesn’t give flower, if you follow me.”

And the Empress would scowl and stamp her royal foot and say “Nightingale, why can’t you just let me enjoy that beautiful song?” And the nightingale would reply “Look, baby, nature gave both of us gifts, if you follow me. And you’re not the only Empress on the planet. For example there’s this hot brunette about two castles over who starts drinking at like ten in the morning. You ain’t up for it, fine, no harm no foul, but don’t expect me to keep coming around. I’m a superstar, baby. I’m in my prime.” At which point the Empress would sigh and lift up her shirt and that would keep the dirty nightingale happy for about a week.

And so, like a beautiful clownfish in rapport with a much older, much richer anemone, the Empress and the nightingale lived happily ever after.

Wear this shirt: when you’re looking for a fancy way to demand appreciation. Especially in Spanish class.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re made nervous thinking about those little mechanical songbirds. You know, maybe you’re in a songbird union and afraid of being downsized because your job can be done by a machine. Those bluejays at the top won’t protect you anyway, they only ever think of the bottom line. Jerkfaces.

This shirt tells the world: “And if I sing in the way I do because I think it’s right that I should, it’s not to do evil to anyone, but to do everyone good .”

We call this color: Browny McBrown-Brown from Brownsville. And when we do call it that, it just keeps on walking by.

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